If you read the following, it is because you carry a minimum of interest and consideration for Daniel, who has agreed to publish this text on his Facebook page, which is viewed more often than my own account which I hardly use. I also sent this text to most of my friends or contacts, who are still Raelians. Because it is with them in mind that I undertook this step of writing which I hope to be unpretentious, but which speaks essentially of what happened to me in my Raelian experience. They may or may not read it, but at least they will not be able to say that they did not know. Good reading.
It was at the age of 17 that I first heard about the Raelian Movement (RM). To be more precise, I was a student and in a bar I heard young people talking about the concept of infinity. This is what really challenged me, this new explanation of life on earth because, like everyone else, these existential questions dwelled within me.
When I was handed the messages I found it crazy that the idea that a contemporary man could be the brother of Jesus. But I fell in love with this boy who gave me the messages, and I was ready to do anything to discover this philosophy with him. And then, I started meeting Raelians, really extraordinary people. I loved these people very sincerely. I “bought” this philosophy. I also “bought” the Rael character which I found, after all, nice.
I got involved in the RM structure. It must be said that I’ve experienced out of the ordinary human experiences. I learned a lot. Even though through these experiences, I passed through the clutches of some sexual predators who took advantage of my candor.
I was in the freshness of my early twenties, so yes we can understand the attraction that I could represent for some sharks. I am ready to say it today: I was abused in the early years, by guides, on top of that. People who were in a position of authority in relation to me, who asserted this position of authority, of knowledge and who pretended to want to help me to evolve more … Yes, the classic move. I may not have been able to complain to the police because it is true that I could have run away or at least, with more confidence say NO! But when one is a young woman, without experience, it is sometimes difficult to assert oneself. In the RM, women are invited to denounce stalkers, but everything is managed internally, so… But that is another debate.
What I know is that to please, to be recognized and loved, we can do many things under the impression of doing it for ourselves, of our own free will while in the end we are being used. I therefore “bought” the philosophy and even defended it body and soul. I confronted my family to make them respect me, while deep down inside they wanted to protect me. I fought against my friends, my neighbors, the whole of society. And the more my philosophy was attacked, the more I brought my claws out. And it is without limits that I adhered to the dogma, to the internal practices of the RM structure. I climbed the ladder to finally become a guide.
Throughout my journey, many things bothered me, but I dared not talk to anyone. So I kept silent all my denials, my questions, my doubts. You understand – a good guide does not question, does not doubt!!! Also, I put the lid on my big pot. I have been very happy for many years. I felt revolutionary, different, proud not to be like others. I had a religion that finally told the truth about the origin of life on earth. I was unshakable about it. I blossomed and opened up to life, developing beautiful qualities thanks to contact with wonderful people.
But still, during these beautiful years, I also mourned many important things in life. Mourning for not having children, a family, mourning not to climb the professional ladder or to get involved in my social or political life. We must understand that in the RM, our baby is humanity. We do not waste time with all the rest.
And yet! All my energy had to be spent on my mission, even though I was working full-time to make a living, I had to spend 100% of my free time to the RM. It was not my choice, but in the structure of the RM, we were put under a lot of pressure. You cannot say no to a leader. Otherwise, I’m not a good Raelian, let alone a good guide. You have to go and organize diffusions, workshops, seminars, weekends and training days; we had to raise funds to build a hospital in Africa (what has become of it by the way?), to demonstrate for Gotopless and Aramis, with our breasts naked (to attract the media, it must be admitted), etc…
It was as if you always had to be busy to avoid thinking about something else or meeting other people. It was finally a life of self-sufficiency, where we were feeding and eating amongst ourselves. It was necessary to give everything, from morning to evening, to always do more to be recognized, to be at the service. That was the motto. And when one is a woman, being at service, that goes far. To be at the service of the Indian Chief, to be at the service of the Indian’s sub-chief, the sub-sub chief …
Being a woman means being in the order of angels of course. Let’s not forget that I had to be a role model, so I had to give everything and to set an example. So I did not become a simple angel, but an archangel (5 feathers around the neck) with a gold ribbon. And if I did not wear them, just like my symbol, which we forcibly had to wear, then there would be trouble. All is planned in the structure of the RM to keep the members in line: the Council of Discipline, the Council of the Wise … no way to go astray, the right path of the raelian is mapped out!!! And I myself made sure all the internal rules of the RM were scrupulously respected. We had to sign a lot of commitments, in the RM and in the order of angels. Also, all the angels signed, a few years ago, a commitment not to divulge information about Rael’s private life, otherwise we would be pursued for a large amount of money. I expect to receive a notice of default. But again, I’m not afraid, because I’d be happy to answer to justice, to see who is the most at fault in all this. The guru, or the poor victim? I do not think that the RM would dare to come touch this, the road is too slippery.
It is really insidious because we give everything of ourselves, even to the point of forgetting ourselves and it is so rewarding and valued from within. But from the outside, it’s another story: we are in a cult, we are victims, manipulated beings. However, I did not want to identify myself in this way with my colleagues, so I hid because I was afraid of being judged. I had to wear my symbol but I did it discreetly at first. I hid it with a scarf, or another necklace so that it was less visible. And then in the last year, I did not wear it to work, I took it out when I got out of the house, because my spouse is a bishop, I did not want to disappoint him… I would put my symbol back when I got home.
Like agent 007, it’s like a double life that I led. I was Orev inside and Vero outside. A double life exhausting and heavy to wear. But it was my choice, do not forget it … (smile). The lid is still on the pot and the fire is not yet lit.
Even through all the different lies being dished out to the world – because for me, they were marketing strategies, I was on a mission and everything is acceptable to get there. Around me, some people believed in certain things that I knew to be lies.
Like cloning for example. I was surprised, but after all, I too believed that Rael is the brother of Jesus, so everything was possible…. It must be said that I never believed in the cloning, because I had insight, because of my position. I was a bishop’s spouse, and a gold ribbon, so I had the “privilege” to rub elbows with Rael and his leaders. I remember, before the announcement of the cloning, we were in Valcourt at Brigitte Boisselier’s place, at the table and she said to rael: “so… we make these babies be born?” I did not know what it meant at the time.
It was much later that I finally understood this joke between the two accomplices. In March 2013, at a meeting of guides in Marc Rivard’s house, who was Canada’s National Guide at the time, I was told by Joseph Kollar (the current National Guide to Canada) that Boisselier told the guides that it was a media coup, that there was no cloned baby, forcing them to keep this information secret, among other things. I then understood what the guides and bishops present at this meeting felt, to silence this terrible lie.
What pained me most was that some Raelians believed it. And then when Damien Marsic was so unjustly excluded for standing up to rael, I became aware of some email exchanges, Rael and Boisselier denied everything. Rael was protecting Boisselier once again by lying. And the story has been repeated lately, but this time it is Boisselier that protects rael in a letter in response to “anti-raeliens”. It’s downright ridiculous and not subtle. They protect each other. How can they lie like that with a big smile and manipulate the world?
And of course the raelians will continue to swallow that!!! Hello Earth! And if we lie about that, then how can we continue to believe in the rest? I know for a fact that some Raelians, more informed than others, are beginning to ask questions and have serious doubts. But it’s very difficult to take the step.
So then, to get back to our story, rael landed in Montreal when he was intoxicated by a Tijuana charlatan. This is where, for me, “the fire” started to light up under the pot. Because of my status as Head of the Angels of Canada, gold ribbon and spouse of the Head of Education, I can tell you that I have seen some things. The closer we get to the summit, the more panoramic is the view, I assure you!
What excesses around rael. We were asked as “gold ribbons” to stay available night and day in the apartment he occupied. In case he needed us. A requirement that probably came from Shizué, his personal assistant, whose only words were: “I want the best for him”. Obviously, this was not possible and the few people involved managed to make their point of view count. But it was necessary to mobilize to make the various trips for the small requirements of Mister rael. Go around the city to find this or that rare and expensive ingredient. A small select committee of bishops, guides, gold ribbons and angels bent over backwards to help him recover. When he got better, he had to make calls on his favorite gold ribbons to keep him company. The angels in the service, had to do the cleaning as discreetly as possible so as not to disturb him. Angels who sometimes would feel, let us be honest, like vulgar maids. But everything was turned around in such a way so as to make you feel valued instead, to make you think it was a privilege to serve him. You understand the dynamics?
He gives boisterous compliments to obtain favors, to get us to serve him in every sense of the word. He uses the qualities or specificities of each of us to use them to his advantage. He gives the illusion of giving but in reality, he takes everything from us. Like any good manipulator, I will use the popular image which is so realistic: he offers us flowers, then in an excess of anger he throws the flower pot and finally returns with his flowers. And it works, of course.
One can very well make the parallel of this phenomenon of manipulation in an unhealthy couple where one manipulates the other. Go read: “Why thinking too much makes you manipulable” by Chritel Petitcollin. I open a parenthesis here to address Sophie: “if you read this book, I am sure that you would gasp at every page, because I sincerely think that this is how you have been treated all these years. I take the liberty of saying this, because he himself wrote on his Facebook these mean things about you: to divulge as he did personal information about your health to justify your silence is a defamation gesture inadmissible and unforgivable. And we continue to say that he is a being of love? Come on, let’s be serious.
Other interesting references about the effect of “power” on certain individuals:
- Hubris Syndrome: The Disease of Power by Sebastian Dieguez (French)
- Hubris Syndrome or the Effects of Power on the Personality by Quentin Périnel (French)
Daniel did not talk about it in his testimony (40 Years of Raelism), but I read an email that Rael sent him and I can tell you that what he wrote to him still resonates in my neurons. What a shame to go after those who are close and who dare to contradict him. But no surprise here again: our best friends are our worst enemies… is that not the adage? But a boomerang always ends up coming back in the face of his pitcher does it not?
I was saying that the fire under the pot had started to light up. Doubts, unanswered questions, disappointments that were there, but had resurfaced. For example, I have often shared meals and moments with rael. I have never heard him talk about his journey to the planet of the eternals, never heard of the Elohim. No, in his daily life, he only talks about trivial things. He talks about his singing experience in Paris, his grandmother who raised him, but never about the extraordinary things he was supposed to have experienced. Still, it seems to me that if you went to another planet, and met aliens, you want to talk about it all the time, right? But no ! He was very clever at diverting the subject from all that could be concerned with this meeting with the ETs. It’s brilliant, how suddenly, the door was locked completely and nobody ever dared to approach these fundamental subjects with him. We are obedient people who did not want to disappoint our Spiritual Guide.
Exhausted, I claimed less responsibility in the Canadian structure. But that was denied to me. Obviously, in the structure, you are no longer free, you can not say no. Especially when Turcotte came into power over the American continent. Count the number of resignations since he has been in place and you will understand. He is hypocritical and makes things sweet, with a big smile. I made my choice however, and I began to slacken off progressively. I refused certain demands, or put limits to those I accepted. I started to not always wear my symbol, as I described earlier, because at work it put a lot of pressure on me. I drank a little coffee from time to time in secret. I refused to send a picture of myself naked, which earned me to no longer be accepted as a golden ribbon as a matter of fact. Which was finally a good thing for me. I experienced a lot of guilt by deviating from all these rules. Think about it! We are talking about my private life, what I do in my own home. What harm was I doing here? It is appalling when you take a step back to see how much the RM intervenes in our privacy, tells us what to do and what to say. If this is not called manipulation, then what is it called?
And I then also began to wonder about all these lies, with some colleagues and guide friends. We allowed ourselves to talk about simple questions naturally. This was not without a hitch, because we were not all at the same point in our reflections. Some freed themselves more quickly than others from the grip of dogma and the RM structure. Others deflated and completely turned around. I am thinking of Joseph Kollar, Canada’s National Guide. He let us believe that he wanted to bring change, held the same speech as the most rebellious of us. Personally, I believed him, I trusted him. I dare to think he was sincere but that he flinched and yielded to the pressure that came from higher than him (his CG). He has trapped guides (by his own admission). Do not worry, he will deny everything and say that these are just lies. But I say all this with my head held high, because I have remained faithful to my own nature, which is the search for the truth. Just as rael is surrounded by the most malleable to achieve his ends, his continental guides do the same. They surround themselves too, by the most obedient in order to be respected. Turcotte gives an image of a man filled of love, a smile in his face, but finds himself with knives drawn when he is sitting in front of his computer. Being the good passive-aggressive that he is, he has a field day. Anyone who has tasted his method will be able to testify to this.
I was finally able to make the best decision I could to save my skin. Exhausted on the one hand by work, but also by so many dilemmas, conflicts of values, I resigned from the RM. I was on sick leave when I asked for a year sabbatical, which was denied to me. So I got six months, not without pain and misery. And if I had come back, I would have had to submit to the Council of the Wise, because I had mentioned to the guides of Canada, that I could not believe the position of rael on nuclear armament.
I was helped by professionals (doctor, psychologist) to get through this painful process of detoxification. These professionals were not people close to me (because my doctor was raelian, and there are psychologists among my relatives), but I wanted help from neutral people, professionals outside of my personal network. I was pleasantly surprised by their welcome and the quality of the support I received. I allowed myself to do so many things that I had prevented myself from doing all these years. I read books that explain the phenomenon of manipulation, indoctrination in sects. First of all, I had to identify and recognize that I was being indoctrinated and manipulated so that I could work on myself. Also, I allowed myself to read books written by non-raelians on the RM, and I learned a lot about what could be the deceit of rael. I read the excellent book by Maryse Peloquin who has identified the phenomenon so well.
I made another discovery during this period: all the philosophical notions taught by rael do not come from him. Literature is so rich in philosophical teachings. I found exactly the same sentences, the same concepts they bring. All these years I thought that this teachings came from him, can you believe it? This shows just how my mind had narrowed, while I was living under the illusion of opening it up to infinity. In short, all this to say that we should have no fear. If we are thirsty for philosophy, we can find our share elsewhere. I began to meditate more than ever, with beautiful meditation techniques, such as mindfulness meditation.
And there, the pot lid was finally opened and I saw everything that I had put in all this time. All my doubts, my unanswered questions, my guilt…
I finally feel free. Free to make my own choices. And I’m not afraid of anything anymore. I am no longer afraid to say that rael is no longer my beloved prophet as he wanted to be called at one time, but a manipulator. And it’s to you that I say: “I am grateful for many things, especially for allowing me to meet extraordinary people, just like me in search of love and a better world. BUT I blame you for lying and manipulating us. I blame you for turning some of my best friends into extremist, fundamentalists. Friends who do not give themselves any freedom to think for themselves and who swallow everything you tell them(handed on a silver platter). If I had a request to make to you it would be that you give them their freedom back and that before you die, you finally tell THE TRUTH. You took advantage of my naivety, my dreamy side. I still dream, but this time it will be my own dreams. No, I did not become normal again. I have always been like we all are. For we are human beings who, since man exists, are seeking an explanation for the origins of life, for the meaning of life. Maybe there is nothing to find in the end, but to feel free to do this quest is a real pleasure. I am now free from the fear of being judged by you, by the bishops, by the raelians, by any kind of advice. If the Elohim exist, then they will judge me – if they truly exist. I still believe that there is life elsewhere in the universe but whether they call themselves Elohim, I do not know. Nobody knows anyway. Everyone can have their own hypothesis. What I do know is that I am no longer afraid of not deserving eternal life. So, since you will take away my CPT or you will have it blown up by the Canadian Council as recent events demonstrate (smile) then go ahead, you have my blessing. I will answer to no council, to no guide. For me, all the great guides are no longer at your side. They understood the deception before me and no longer have to fear your bogus punishments. I know that you will say, or a council will say it for you, that these are insults and that I must be punished for it. But for me, it’s just that I dare to speak THE TRUTH finally, after being blinded for 31 years. I no longer feel different from others, as you wanted us to believe so much. We have been cut off from these people, judging them unfairly. But in fact, we are all human beings.
You who read this and are still in the RM, offer yourself out of self-respect, true freedom, the possibility of questioning everything. After all, what do you risk?
Personally, the hardest part of all this lies in the fact that I still wonder how I could have believed in this fairy tale for so long. I really wonder about the human brain which, when it wants to believe in something, believes it at all costs. Whatever anyone says, whatever we are told, we tighten the vise rather than hear other points of view. Oh, yes we listen and we maintain that “I am open, I love differences”. But basically, it is rather: “I’m right, so screw you”. And finally, if we pay attention, it is the same phenomenon in many aspects and we become fanatics, willing to do anything to defend our cause, our ideas, our tastes. So should we be wary of our commitments, remaining really open to all points of view without judging and talking with maximum openness? Yes without any doubt the way of the middle is probably the best.
I am working on myself so as not to regret what I could not achieve. Because I know that everything is allowed to me today. But first and foremost, I want to find peace in myself. I don’t want to feel guilty about the choices I made a long time ago and torture myself with these eternal questions: why did I let myself be deceived so for so long? Why did I not see anything? Why did I not want to believe those who told me I was being fooled?
To hurt myself with this will not change anything in my life. So I welcome and turn this page of my life to open to another which will be even more beautiful. I did not have children, but I can take care of other people’s children. Something I think, just as beautiful, after all. I also congratulate myself for having strayed often and for not having been on all points too fundamentalist. I have very strong links with my biological family, which I am close with today with even more consciousness. They are so precious to me. I have also always maintained links with my colleagues and real friends. All the while many Raelians have cut off their networks and therefore all they have today is the RM. For them, it is more difficult to leave this network for fear of being alone. But to you, I tell you that you will not be alone. Because you are good people and you can get help to rebuild yourself.
There are some people I will really regret losing as friends: Antonio, Allan, Jimmy, Lili, Myriam, P.A., Dora, Alex, Eric (s), Clemence, Nadia, Meelove, Stephane, Martin, JC, Chana, André , David, Réjean, Marc, and so many others. A little word for Marc (for you Marc, it’s even more difficult, because not only did you never contact me again, but in addition, you took part in the judgment of Daniel who was your friend and with whom you share so much in common, including your critical sense of the RM and I feel so betrayed by you in our friendship which I thought was sincere. Will you say to save face, that there is no more question of friendship when it comes to betraying “the Prophet” or “the messages?” Perhaps you even inflate your feathers by boasting of being able to not let yourself be diverted from the “truth”. Allow me to laugh.
But if I’m judged on my direction, or what I write today, then maybe we were not real friends. Because everything I write is a page in my life as it happened. I do not tell a story. And if one day you understand my approach, and that you are no longer angry, disappointed or that you even undertake the same process as me, then know that I will be there for you.
I thank all the precious people around me who helped me to break free. I know some call us the Chabot clan. Well, I invite you to look at each of our smiles, to remind you what good people we are, striving for the well being of every human being, without ambition, without wanting anything in return and especially without trying to take advantage of anyone.
Do not make a mistake. The people who are no longer Raelian today are for the most part, I am sure, beautiful people, who have compassion for raelians. They are not “anti-raelian”, as they have been labeled, but rather “anti-rael”: against the manipulator, against the lie, against exploitation. It is not normal for unscrupulous people to exploit others. The structure wants to demonize those who are no longer raelian and who decide to speak out, saying that they are frustrated, that they lack humility, are sick, not happy, unbalanced. I know, I made the same speech. But if some are, perhaps, just as there are many unbalanced and sick people in the structure, I see only sensible and honest people through the few writings that I have allowed myself to read.
If I have decided to write a page from my life, it is perhaps to help you also to set the fire under your pot and lift the lid to see that the soup may not be as good as you thought. Instead, put your own ingredients, your own dreams, and you too can enjoy life. Really. There is not a day when I do not tell myself: what a relief, what peace. And most important to me: I feel so much more available to really help others, to make this world better, by simple small gestures.